Hey!
I know, ever read a blog so engaging at a philosophical level? Sorry, I should not self-praise. But this is what I aim with this daily ritual of mine. You know, some people I have met, totally strangers, in some moments of life, when I was in a difficult situation, either traveling or otherwise, and merely talking to them made me feel so warm and comfortable. I am also anxious while travelling. This whole situation where I have to take care of my belongings and also where am I going and that I reach there on time and also to keep looking at people and beware of bad people, this is scary for me. Some people have warm vibes. You talk to them, and you are no longer lonely or alone in the world full of people. In a way, for them, there are no strangers in this world. What an honor it would be if I could become that someone in your life.
You know, when I post this blog on WhatsApp, not more than 20 people from there see it since, not more than 20 people see my statuses on WhatsApp. But then, I see, after one day, some 50-60 reads on a particular blog, and I am like, "Who are these unknown strangers who indulge in reading about life of another unknown stranger?" You people are quite mysterious to me.
I know one thing for sure that two of my friends, Abhishek and Nitesh read most of my blogs. They ask me, "don't you get conscious while writing, when you know that we will read it?" I mean, I used to be. But, when you start doing it on a daily basis, then you do not think before you write. You become sort of an independent journalist about your own life. Also, Independent journalists are what this country needs the most.
Yeah, coming to the issue. Yeah, so, we are just talking. And glad I am using a fucking old way of having a chat where only one side is talking the other is forced to read.
So, how are you doing? I am not sure how am I doing! I have to go give this exam of Bihar public service commission. There is this peculiar feeling whenever I become alone while traveling, this feeling of being in a strange place. Also, Trains are the strangest places themselves, buses I do not know. I did not travel by them a lot. But trains are the strangest. Nobody feels at home on a train.
I think, I heard from someone the following line, I think it is Neruda.
"Nothing is sadder than a train stopped at a station in rain".
I feel it. It is sad. Either it has arrived to take someone away from his comfort place, or it is going to drop someone to a strange place. On a rain, means, the person who wanted to go actually has additional discomfort but still because of some even higher desperation, he has to go. May be his classes are starting, and tomorrow is an extremely important lecture. May be his job. May be some medical emergency.
I know, it can be happier also. For example, I recall myself coming from Delhi, was the happiest person. You could get how happy I used to be when I, once jumped off the train, to reach home early. Please do not do it. Reach 5 hours late, pay 100 more rupees but please do not jump of a train.
Yeah, so, I am giving this exam. I saw, videos of people protesting. I saw Khan sir getting arrested. I saw someone's Femur (longest bone) getting crushed because of the lathis that he got because he was protesting.
What a strange place is a protest site? I was just thinking about the guy. He is an aspirant like me. He was protesting for making a living in a Civils job. Right or wrong I do not know. May be, yesterday, they said, they are not doing this normalization thing. But still, this guy lost his leg.
I do not know but human decency is not a thing in India. A respect for human life and human dignity seems like a first world concept to this country.
Protest sites are strange places. I have been to one. People there are of two kinds. One who have their own problems associated with the protest, and others that come in solidarity. Till the point people stay together, there is willing to change the things and people treat each other with warmth. You really start believing in collectivity because of so much kindness and warmth that you feel and then Police comes with Lathi charge and then people run like anything to save their lives. Then no one thinks about anyone but themselves. So sudden break from a warm collective life to being forced to be an individual responsible for your own life, this is what state persecution does to you.
Today when I am sitting comfortably on my desk writing all this, in my comfortable blanket, people are out there struggling. You know, this world could have been a kinder place when people become somewhat less dutiful towards the state and be a bit more empathetic, warm and caring towards each other.
I wish to have a life where I can write and read comfortably. This is, I know, a big luxury to ask out of life in a third world country. But who will get it if I don't. The kind of privilege I have over others regarding financial status, self-awareness, etc. Even IAS officers do not get time for themselves to sit like this, in a state of Itminaan, and write freely whatever comes to their mind. Probably, life of a professor would allow me this privilege.
But, I think, even Civil servants find some time for self-reflection. Like Vikram Grewal sir, IFS. He writes very frequently. He also has a podcast sort of a thing on YouTube, and he writes daily blogs like me. He also has this wonderful non-fiction book that I wish to read. He is one of the warmest persons I have seen online.
Self-reflection is probably the biggest luxury there is. Because Self-reflection, requires completely fed stomach, covered warm body, proper sleep and all other necessities covered and moreover, a sane and a calm state of mind and a good mental health to just lightly go over your thoughts, put them down and so on.
“In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer.
And that makes me happy. For it says that no matter how hard the world pushes against me, within me, there’s something stronger – something better, pushing right back.”―
I know I have hated on Camus unnecessarily. But I related to this one thing he said a lot. But not in a way that he has written this. He means that there is a will inside him that pushes the world, fights back and so on.
I related to this statement like, Not like, I am fighting with the world but. The world is an estranged place, which makes it cold, and I have a beautiful and warm Mindspace, where I can go back whenever I feel like. It is like that one line of Almeerk, the Karachi rapper,
"Apne andar Ghar banake baitha hun mai mera!"
It's already late, I think I should go now. Hope you enjoyed the conversation, however one sided. But I am sure you would have thoughts in your head due to whatever you read. Believe me, I can read those thoughts here only even if they are not written. I am connected to most of my readers on a mental sub-conscious level.
But if you really wish to say to me something, Comment section is there. But, theek hai, Let's not use it.
Why to demolish such a good stranger-stranger relationship. Let's be kind to each other without knowing each other. That's the best kind of kindness. All other kindnesses are barters because you somehow do it in a form of contract in wish of a return. Only a help given to a stranger is one you do not wish to be reciprocated.
If a man could live in this world like a total stranger but be kind to each other, I think no one will be unhappy. There will be inequality, there will be problems. But Man is a shallow creature. It is satisfied with a little kindness. And strangeness will keep attachments away which will create an atmosphere of happy people without expecting someone to remain they are. Like Sannyasis of Osho ashram. I have never seen happier sanyasis.
Khair, high time, I should go. Good talk! Goodbye guys! Gonna go start a life.
Adios!
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