NITESH

Of course, it is difficult to write about people close to you, but the arena of utmost honesty coincides ideally with both writing and private relationships. And since, I know that he is going to read it, it makes me extra conscious what to write and what to write that will please him. I mean well. 

But, I think, in any matter of life, Honesty as a human being is more important than any human relationship bias. So, I will try to be as honest as I can be. Also, there might be some aspects that I might think I know but they might just be my perceptions about him. So, I do not claim any burden of truth on my shoulders. It is a friend writing about another Friend. Like Ashk writes about Manto, Like Chesterton writes about George Bernhard Shaw, Like Zizek writes about Alain Badiou.  

Nitesh and I did not have an easy relationship in the past. Numerous fights, insecurities and stuff. Things have been worst to worst and better to better. There was a time when the most scared and hurt I used to be when someone used to compare me with him. I wanted to excel; I wanted to become the best of where I was. And may be so did he. It is only later when Spirituality came in both of our lives that we realize that how much damage this wanna be winner mentality is doing to us. 

Now a days, however brief and may be once in a week we spend time together, I have seen Nitesh grow into a secure and mature person. Bible says, "Every Saint has a past, and Every Sinner a future". 

Over time, I have learned a lot of things from him. What happens, is that the person who possesses these qualities do not realize that he has those qualities. Now, there is caveat though. If he reads it, and I know he will, there is a possibility of being conscious about it and hence to react or deteriorate oneself over a small write up. But I trust Nitesh possesses enough maturity not to get affected by a small write up written by some dude named Vibhat. 

First thing I have learned from him is the act of forgiveness. What he calls "giving human discount". Bible says, Perhaps I should not quote Bible often but ok last time, "To err is human and to forgive is divine". Now, this is a quality, I wish to have with me. However Machiavellian the world turns, the one who forgives can always live relatively peaceful that the one who does not. The proof of him having this quality is that he has forgiven me. I have been an obnoxious person. Irritating at times and sometimes can easily make someone insecure and sometimes I am even a Bully. To put up with a person like me is not easy. But the fact that he has forgiven me, And I know he has, makes me so relieved and full of gratitude as a human that it is beyond anything. 

Second thing I have learned is a sort of social responsibility. He, as a teacher and the way he has involved himself in lives of students. I occasionally criticize him for being such an involved teacher, but that criticism is like family members telling you to take care of your own health. Otherwise, as a person, I respect his style of working as a teacher. 

Third thing I learnt with this man, is to keep himself going when times go tough. It will not be an overstatement that in my childhood, one tough child that I have seen is Nitesh. He has been scolded, beaten, by numerous teachers and at times, compared and may be discriminated against me, but he kept his head high. He kept going. Even now, even after so many problems and unsuccessful years, he has kept himself high and that's what matters. I take inspiration from this guy. 

However, nowadays, I will be honest, He has become a little less resilient. His never say die attitude seems to be waning. You know what happens, Modern discourse of mental health has had many advantages, it made people aware of taking care of their mental health. But see, there has been a very subtle disadvantage in my opinion, of this mental health awareness. Many times, we need to push past our limits. Not only at the mental level but also, At the physical level. This burden to keep yourself mentally healthy does not let the man go out of his comfort zone. Out of the comfort zone lies anxiety, lies insecurities, lies fears, but lies also your next best form. What today's era calls Toxic Masculinity, in some cases, it was called Courage by traditional philosophers. It is courage that drives you crazy but makes you saner for the next time. I will be honest. I see courage lacking in my man, Nitesh. If you are reading this, I will quote Nirala to you!

"Hai Nashwar yah deen Bhaav, 

Kaayarta Kaam-paruta, 

Brahm ho tum, 

Pad Raj bhar bhi hai nahi, 

Pura yah vishwa Bhaar, 

Jaago phir ek baar!"

Meaning: this pathetic nature of mind is temporary. This courage-lessness, this lust to live, Leave this. You are Brahm, this whole weight of the universe is not more than your self-esteem. Rise, once again from the ashes.  

These are some qualities I like about Nitesh. Often, I have felt that may be political ideologies or may be opinions on certain matters do not match between us, but in a spiritual sense of the word, Nitesh is the truest friend I have. 

In Adhyatman, it is said that friend is one who gives you Salvation or if not, gives you the path, shows you the path. The instances of friendship in Hindu Mythology have been twice. Once, when Krishna speaks to Arjuna, and when Krishna encounters his friend Sudama. The reason that the former friendship is more glorified than the other is that Krishna did not give Arjuna material wealth, he gave him Salvation, emancipation. 

Everyone has an independent journey in this world. After all this time, one day all will perish into ashes. Even the most unspiritual or materialistic one will admit that he would not like to die unsatisfied. Why Bhagat Singh wanted to die? because he was satisfied with his attempts to free his country, and he felt this is the right time to die before I dissatisfy myself. Also, the great the man is, the greater is dissatisfaction in him. In this independent journey, the key to a good life and a satisfied life, is to forgive. Forgive yourself if you could not be what you wanted to be, forgive others if they could not be what you wanted them to be. Some people suffer because they cannot forgive themselves. Some people suffer because they cannot forgive others. And it is not a matter of being successful or unsuccessful. That aspect of life has nothing to do with satisfaction. Satisfaction is a death instinct, part of the Nirvana principle. It has to do with Forgiveness and Empathy. I pity those who are running in a race of success to be satisfied. Satisfaction does not come with success. Never has come. It has come with Awareness.  In Nitesh, I see a friend, who made me realize that it is difficult to hold grudges, to fight and it is easier to be satisfied. I do not know if he himself realizes that. I hope he does. 

The person that I had negative feelings for in the past, is the person I am writing a whole write up on. See how time shapes man. I have just one concern about our future that makes me worried. And this might be the only reason that I feel that someday, we will lose contact, and I might never see him or talk to him for the rest of our lives. And that is, still an ongoing comparison about lives and lifestyle. Why are we still getting influenced by each other's lifestyle. A nightmare for me would be, we are becoming like those uncles, who compare their children with each other which makes their children miserable. I do not want my children and for that matter anyone's child to be compared in any aspect of life. I think he will also agree on this. But you know what happens, the truth is, He does not respect himself enough. 

Yes, this might seem harsh. But it is true according to me. Now, I am not saying become an obnoxious egoistic person. That, nobody likes but respect yourself enough to have an independent existence other than what your peers have been living. I mean, really, Clothes, appearance, lifestyle why does it matter what a Vibhat or an Abhishek has been doing or watching. Fuck them, do what you like and be proud of it. declare freely, that you watch Serials. Who cares what you watch. I am not Narcissistic enough to judge you based on what content you like. And someone who judges himself according to what content he watches, I think he needs to get a life. 

Lastly, I mean, I do not wish to end this on an aggressive note. My only greed of writing this was to encourage introspection in my Friend. It is said in Adhytama, "Shabd wo! jo maun ki taraf le jaaye!", or "Words those are better that encourage silence and not more words". 

I would like, if these words make him assured about himself and makes him more relaxed. I do not wish to increase conflict. Nor do I wish to invite trouble. I wish to say to Nitesh, "Good times will come, but only to those who think that they deserve it".

We had tough times, we had good times, we will have tougher times, we will have better times. But this write up should act as a reminder that I noticed the acts of kindness that you did as a friend to me. Friendship should not necessarily last forever. These are, in my opinion, just labels that keep shading and coming, as we grow old. At the end, it is us inside our minds, living most of time alone. But occasionally, we get some people to share this Mindspace with. 

I am glad I got to share this mind space of mine with you. And also, I have been thinking well about you. Keep going man! Be resilient. You deserve good things, you deserve happiness. You deserve peace. I just remembered that it is not your birthday yet and these are things people usually write on birthdays. But who cares, "Umangein yun akaaran hi nahi uthti, inn andekhe Isharon par...!

Wrote it, because I felt it. 

Really love you! 

Your Friend,

Vibhat 

3rd November, 2024