PAPA

What was absent in you, you ensured that I get them in excess. You were underconfident as a person, I am somehow the most arrogant, intimidating person in every room I enter. People envy me. People are insecure of my stature. When I speak, people feel jealous of my speaking skills. You used to speak less. Over the years, I have realized in your own way, you have ensured that you provide me with what you lacked. 

In why rebellious phase, I have tried a lot to cut the communication between us, but you kept adapting. Your patience is always daunting to me. If I can even have 1% of patience that you have, I will win the world for you and gift it to you. I am in practice. I look at you and then I start practicing. You are in a way, My Dron Acharya in Patience. What good is a son who could not learn the most powerful trait of your father. I will learn it one day, Papa. I will one day defeat you in this competition of Patience. 

It was always about competition with you. I am and always have been an egoistic and competitive person. I never feared you. I never feared the man you feared your whole life, that is, Dadaji. I competed with both of you. Dadaji was a competition for me in lifestyle, cleanliness, self-sufficiency and discipline. I know that I lose to both of you every day. But I ensure you, at your ages, I will be the most disciplined, most self-sufficient and most clean and mannered guy out there. The real competition will take place at the age of 50 and 70. If I could survive till then, I assure you I will not die of natural causes, I will beat the hell out of you both. 

I have seen both of you crying. Strong men cry alone. Strong people, in general, irrespective of gender, do not cry in public. They do not shout while crying. One drop of tear rolls down their cheeks and then they wipe it and start working again. When I will be asked by patriarchs of the world, From where you derive your strengths and emotional maturity, I will take your name papa. Dadaji is not that emotionally strong. He keeps his head up. But he hides pain. He hides emotions. You do not. 

Dadaji never treated his woman the right way. Perhaps, the societal conditions were not pro-respect of women in those days. Maybe he respected in his own way. But you respected. It is another question, if she was worthy of respect or not. I have learned this from your mistake. Not every woman deserves your attention and respect. In general, any human being, the respect criteria should have a narrow bandwidth. You missed that, papa. You were too much a gentleman but at an age where gentle-ness was not respected. 

I am brute. For a woman to gain my attention is her task. I am gentle to gentle people. To others, I will show them what cruel means. To them, I can show from where toxic derives its meaning from. 

Few things, I will not inherit. I will not be casteist. I will not be misogynist. I will not be communal. These are traits that ends with you papa. I refuse to learn these things from you. Also, I will not inherit the religion papa. I will not die a Sanatani. I will die religion-less or may be a Buddhist. Also, Perhaps, having a family is a 20th century thing for me. This also ends with you papa. I do not wish to be a husband or a father ever. I have my reasons. I wish to work and enjoy my life. Family institution comes in my way to live my life to the fullest. Also, to have babies in 21st century is basically suicide. The pressure that it puts on ecology is overwhelming already. Also, to have a wife in this country is actually a burden. You are not owed a partner, you are owed a slave and at most a repressed rebel, who wishes to live more but was repressed by her own family. 

I will be dishonest if I do not admit that I have many other things that I developed on my own. My honesty is my own creation. You people are not hell bent on this. I am. My morality and my Adhyatman are my own approach. You people have nothing to do with this. 

I was the first rebel in our lineage. The original rule breaker. You people did not have enough courage to defy your societal and family norms. But, I will admit you people prepared me for that. I was never beaten by you people. Papa, you never even shouted at me. Children who were shouted at by their parents tend to become feeble, courage less folks with horrible social skills. 

Contrary to that, I have Saraswati on my tongue because of you people. The Debates at home that I heard, I saw Dadaji giving speeches. This is all due to you both. 

I know I am going to be successful. And I am going to be successful of you Both's share. What you deserved, I will get in bulk. Dadaji worships God for 3 hours daily. I am an atheist. But, still I think, that worship is for my success. Gods owe me success. Because of you both. 

May be you will read this, may be you won't. One thing is sure. I love you. And the conversations that we have, and the way you hear me, I have your listening skills. 

Although, let's be honest, I have better speaking skills. 

Anyhow, I made this post about myself. Yes this narcissism is something I wish to work upon. I am not that social like you guys. But believe me, I think you people are enough social, even of my own share. I do not wish to know this idiot race more. I will one day rule them. This narcissism is necessary, this neurosis is necessary for the "Will to Power" the "Shakti Puja" that I always talk about. 

Just want to say one thing. I will give you ample chances to be proud of me. You have brought to this world greatness in my form. I am Great. I am the God you worship. I am the Man of the family. I am the whole, the universal. I am the eternal rule. 

Happy Father's day. I know what Dadaji's going to say, British culture. And he is right. These motherfucker white men love their father one day.  We, Indians do it all the way till our graves. But why to waste a chance to officially celebrate something. It is celebration only. another reason to be happy and thoughtful. 

Very well. Gonna end this now.