OBITUARY: MY KUTIYA

When Sahir wrote the lines, 

It so happens that Human beings learn retrospectively. I did not know the full meaning of what he meant. When My Kutiya died, I understood some more of it. 

Let me introduce. It might be the first and last introduction she will get. She was a female dog. Bitch, I do not say, because this word I reserve for human beings. 

So, She has not much introduction. Just some images of her in my head. She used to dance. She used to wiggle her tail in front of me to get food. She used to do it for other family members of mine, but they were not kind enough to always give her a piece of roti. 

I understood when she died, The meanings of the lines, "Utna hi upkaar samajh...". She knew it. She never showed anger when she was not given food. She used to ask. She used to make a sound. She used to say something like, "Aoooo" in dog voice, which I had understood meant food. I used to study and I used to here a dog scratch on my door, sometimes, when the door would have been azar, I used to hear a "Aooo" and I used to know, Ok she needs food. And she was disciplined like that. She never knocked my door in improper times. She knocked at 9 AM in the mornings just when I used to go to get my breakfast, just to remind me to get her food, at 2 PM at lunch, somewhere around 5 PM for some snacks and then at 9 PM for dinner. A quality that only she had and humans do not. Humans of my house disturb me day and night at anytime. 

I had some feelings for My Kutiya. I knew she also had. She used to talk to me through touch. I used to touch her forehead. This gave her affection. She used to sometimes scratch her back against my leg. That meant, do not worry. We won't judge you. At least I interpreted this as that. 

In her last day, When I forced her to go out of the house in hugh rain, she went outside without resisting. She knew it, "Jo jitna saath nibha de, wo hi upkaar samajh". She knew she will die. She was already ill. 

I obeyed my grandfather. I did not obey truth. I did not obey What was right thing to do, what was dharma. I obeyed my Grandpa. He said, The floor will get dirty of her saliva. She was salivating of all the cough that she had. She had pneumonia. 

She went and I closed the door. I went back to my Optional class. 

The next day, I saw her lying in the shrubs trying to get up but the sheer rain and her weak body. I was looking at her but was unable. My family members expressed sorrow, but I am sure that was performance.  They said we could not do anything. They said, it is good for her she died. How would have she survived.

"Koi na sang mare" I know this. She died of Pneumonia and weakness. I do not know, Karma and other stuff. Dharma, and God and other things. 

But, I think I might die of Pneumonia too. I will also die on a heavy rain, homeless with no help. This is the punishment of mine I must bear. I will have to. Somewhere I feel this will occur. She took with me a human side of me that died with her. In fact, my human side died when I forced her out of the house. 

I do not know and would not want to engage in human explanations of right and wrong or whether it was good bad, necessary or unnecessary or whether My Grandpa is right or I was. 

The fact is she died. And I was responsible for it. I cried that night and I am crying still. The pragmatism says I should focus on my work and We still have 4 dogs. But, 

Just one thing, "No life deserves death yet death it was it gets. And she died miserably. The only way I can repay is by dying miserably like that." 

If I got some financial independence, I would like to have a dog daughter. Humans are ok but I would like to be treated good by a dog and parent a dog than a human. 

My Kutiya had no name. I did not have the emotional sensibility to name her. My daadima used to call her Kutiya, so I called her Kutiya. 

Somehow, in this state of deep guilt and sorrow, I somehow wish, that she should come back. In any other form and give me a chance to rectify my mistake. 

Animals are mostly powerless as compared to Humans. The least a good person can do is treat them with respect and may be care for them. 

My Friend Siddhant used to care a lot for Dogs in IISER. He used to say to me "I see a Dog lover in you." I used to laugh at that. 

But now when the affection of a dog hits you, it is really a surreal feeling, spiritual feeling. And I conjecture that in this digital age of post irony and all that, The only genuine spiritual love possible is between a dog and a human. like an animal and a human. Rest all human-human relationships are corrupted by barter and transactions. 

Pet a dog, or may be some animal. It is natural only to have affection for an animals and parent it like your own kid. It makes you less animal to be friends with animals, it makes you more human.