IF I CAN DEAL WITH ONE BITCH, I CAN DEAL WITH AS MANY!

Let's talk about my mother issues, shall we? Yes, we will! Am I using my blog as a therapy journal? YES! Will I abuse my mother in here? YES. Should you read this? YES, if you are thick-skinned. Am I Toxic? If you will know my story, you might allow me, but yes, I am toxic. 

Since childhood, I used to be Traumatized with the actions of my mother. She is a selfish bitch who preferred her job over our family, and I don't care what is at stake here, Ideology, feminism, Fuck that shit. It is my childhood trauma we are talking about. 

I have seen her create a scene since childhood. She used to beat me when I was a Kid. Daily, Every day. It was my daily ritual when we used to live in Bangalore. My Parents used to have a fight, and I used to hide under the bed waiting for them to end so that I can get some food, and I find some place to fucking sleep. 

Have you heard of those Children who send their parents to Vriddhasram or Old age home. I might be one of those Children. 

I used to sometimes sleep under the bed itself. Waiting for these bastards to come and pick me and may be put me in a bed. 

When My father lost his job because of bad mental health, that too, because of this bitch, we (me and my brother) both came to Patratu. 

Some heaven years for me. At least I could get a fucking healthy childhood. I never wished to return to my mother and father. My Father, we will abuse someday later. Today, let's dedicate it to my mother. 

This bitch has an audacity to still call me Beta. Numerous fights, Fights for our custody. I have seen her beating my old grandmother, My father. Who says women cannot be toxic. This bitch is, may be a born and trained toxic woman. 

That's why till date, I cannot handle a toxic woman. I met one when I was in Pune. I ghosted her immediately because otherwise, I would have hit her hard. Something I thought a thousand times to do with my mother. 

Am I a bad person? Do hell with morality. Do hell with your family standards and Sanskar maa ki chut. 

Over my dead body will you ruin my mental health. 

Again, coming to this bitch. My mother, wanted to be a professor. For that, she married my father. My father, can you believe it? If you want a career bitch, why will you marry a patriarchal family? What were you thinking? 

Love will save you! Fuck you! it did not. 

Numerous times, have I wished that I hit her with a bat, and she dies. Numerous times have I wished that I call Mental asylums and complain about her that she is a fucking lunatic and goddamn take her away in a fucking asylum so that I live in peace. 

My father was a fucking loser to put up with this bitch. They should have divorced much earlier. 

Will I ever forgive her? 

Now, This is a question I am struggling with for years. 

I don't know. For now, I just know that I cannot put up with a woman like my mother. Literally anyone but someone like my mother. I might marry gay, if that is legal, but not my mother's personality. 

So, do I hate my mother? Of course, There is no debate about it. No mixed feelings. It is pure hatred. 

Do I hate my father? No! I don't think so. But also, I don't have much empathy for him. 

If any Feminists are reading this and already judging me as misogynist and sexist, haan hun mai behenchod, kya kar logey, Meri zindagi hai! mai tay karunga whom do I hate and whom do I love. 

Tum aake chalayegi mera ghar? Tum deal karegi mera issues se? Bolo na madharchod? 

Nahi na! Toh chup raho! And let me fucking write. It is my right to write. 

Finally, I would end with, May be someday I will forgive my mother. But I will never tell her that. And she knows what I feel. She sees it in my eyes. She hears it in my tone. She knows I hate her. She knows she deserves it. 

I will never tell her not because lack of communication But because I don't want to give closure to this bitch. Period. 

And, One silver lining for me is, If I have dealt with this bitch of a woman in my early phase of life, I can deal with any number of bitches in Future. Toh ma ki chut, hun mai toxic, karlo jo karna hai. 

Laao jo toxic aurat laani hai. Dekh lunga behenchod. 

The only reasonable lesson to learn here is, Whether love marriage or arrange marriage, it is not worth it if your partner is an extremely selfish motherfucker. Be it male or female. Randva reh lo betichod lekin kisi Kulta se shadi mat karo. 

Don't marry anyone. Marry wise. Don't make it an ego issue. If a genuinely good person you get through arrange marriage, its not wrong. But, the ultimate problem is there is no guarantee. 

Also, do not be in rush to come in relationship. It is not worth the hype. Kitni Kulta jheloge bhai. Mental health theek rakho. Khush raho. Maa ki chut ladkiyo ki bhai. Apna mental health, Apna haath.

Apna self respect rakho bhai. Aur jab secure ho jaao financially and emotionally, jab may be, agar aaye koi toh theek hai. 

Koi baat kare, dhang se, Koi jo samajh sake basic human decency. Jo jeevan mein tumhari tarah thoda bad times dekh chuki ho aur ab thoda stable hui ho, Uske saath aa jaao relationship mein. Aise kahin bhi mat maar bhai muh. Mental health chod degi tera. 

Bas itna hi likhna tha humko, of course mute karna padega ghar waalon ko whatsapp status se. Dekhte hain. Share karenge zarur. Bahut zaruri gyan hai experience se aaya hai. Jo last tak padh lega, kuch seekh lega mera fucked up life se. 

Chalo phir, ho gya mera, Therapy session over!