FREEDOM FROM FAMILY TRAUMA

Yes, every family is unhappy in their own way. The meaning of this statement when I read it was, I thought clear to me. But I read it in my first year of college, in 2018. I used to think that what is means is that since Pain is extremely personal, every family's pain is unique. 

But now, I think I understand it in a better way. What are the ways in which you express your happiness? Maybe you have party. Maybe you eat something nice. Throughout, every mode of expression of happiness is actually taught to you, whereas pain and suffering is not advertised on television. It comes free with Life.  

My Family is no exception to this. My family trauma comes from the middle-class post liberalization dreams and its ruins. My father was a dreamful man who could not handle his emotions in the clash between his newly educated and highly qualified wife and her mental conditions and the patriarchal and misogynist nature of his family, Hence, not only losing his job but also the confidence that he can work and also getting a mental health problem himself. 

So, yes, I come from a broken family in the conventional sense. I do not feel particularly good things about my parents. However, I am not orphan in the psychological sense. The love and affection that I needed was more than compensated by my grandmother and my grandfather. But Here is an issue that we will address. 

It is a symptom of middle class that they carry the burden of their family's trauma and run with it. I have run for years with this family trauma in my head. "I do not wish to be like my father", "I do not wish to be like my mother", "I will fundamentally change", "I will change history", these were some lines I used to tell myself over and over again. Look how fundamentally traumas shape our worldviews. 

I think everyone does that but in their own subtle ways. If economic insecurity is your family trauma, the thing you do sub-consciously reflects that trauma. If you have a rape victim in your family, your behavior is highly affected by that. If your elder sister is a vulnerable mess and you have seen her emotionally reckless, you tend to become emotionally unavailable for most of your personal life, you do not engage in emotions anymore and that is sad. 

I want to say to all who wish freedom from family trauma, stop wishing. Stop punishing yourself because of your circumstances. Life will give you chances to grow and outgrow your familial circumstances. Some things you cannot change. In my opinion, anything you cannot change. The only thing you can do is to have a little compassion for yourself. You are not Faizal Khan who has to avenge his father's death. Forgive yourself. Don't assume extra responsibility. Freedom from Family Trauma is true freedom. 

One day, Life will start treating like you are an individual and you can start a family for yourself. Make sure, you do not transfer these Traumas to those poor children who will be your sons and daughters. give them a life that you did not get. Do not try to overdo. Do not try to change too much. I know what you go through since I have gone through it for ages. I have forgiven them for being what they are. I have forgiven myself for what I am. And I will have some qualities of my Father, my mother. It is when you have nothing other than these inherited qualities that it becomes a problem. My mother had an IQ of 145. Is it a bad thing to have? No, it is not. But, to have it and marry a jackass who could not respect that, here I am talking about my father, yes, that was her problem. My father was a highly sensitive and generous man. Is it a bad thing to have in a man? no, not at all, but to show compassion to a bitch who cannot reciprocate because she is retarded, was my father's problem. Living a good life is like handling a government, sometimes, you need to become Machiavellian. 

At last, anyone who is reading this, and struggles with family trauma, for anything, for height, color, complexion, do not. You are not just this body, this mind. You are something that sits beyond this. You are impression less. You are Shuddha Buddha Aatman. You are divine. If you have to consider someone family, Look the sky. This emptiness, this divine, this Brahm, is your parent. You are son of God, my child! Forgive these mortals. Live! love! dance in the magic called life that has been given to you. Look at greatness, Buddha, Krishnamurti, Osho, Mahaveer, Jesus. And dance as if you are destined to become Buddha or Osho. Dance! my child, laugh! love. Don't worry. Everything will be alright.