21ST NOVEMBER 2024: DAY 41 JOURNAL

 Hey, 

So, I woke up today at 5 AM. As usual it happens to me in winters, Migraine was on a rise. I had a bit of neck pain. But I pulled it through. Brushed, made coffee, Sat down to write and Plan stuff for myself. 

So, In Class, we had off, but a lot of backlogs I had in my Physics Optional. So, I started with Thermal Physics Lecture 9. Completed Lecture 9 and 10. Just when I was about to finish Lecture 10, My Aunty knocked at my door. I opened. She had a call for me. It was my uncle from Bangalore on a conference call with us and my grandmother and Grandfather who are currently in Bihar, at our paternal village. 

My uncle warned me to use whey protein and how most of the products in the market is fake and so on. Now, here is the catch. I am a very good liar. I have lied to everyone in my family about it. 

My father, first of all, does not know anything about it otherwise he would have told me not to take it. 

My grandma and my Aunty, who of course snitched it to my uncle, and thankfully not my grandfather, Know about it. But I have told them, I get it for free from My Gym. It actually costs 2100 and I buy it from this Blog's revenue. Thank God, My Blog started running. 😅

My Grandfather does not even know I go to gym and my uncle (From Bangalore, who has seen my statuses, know that I go to gym and now that I take Whey Protein). 

So, my uncle told me to not use whey protein. He told me instead to eat 6 egg whites daily. Now, here is the thing, Sherlock! Do I not have got the idea? I have! But, the overtly religious middle class Hindu family, will they understand my needs of eating egg whites on a fucking Tuesday? No, they will not. 

Hence, Sponsoring my Physical needs of protein through my writing habits. Period. I later, called my uncle back and told him all this and he understood. He is almost a reasonable man. Unlike my grandfather, who might be a reasonable man some 40 years back. 

So, overall, I will keep going to Gym for fucking 1 year straight, till I am here. And I will keep taking protein. This is will to power, an expression of my aspirations regarding my physique which I will commit to anyhow. 

You know what happens? I have seen. When I had started putting statuses, I remember people replying to me, "Waah, Bhai! Kitne din jayega?" Now, I see, number of people seeing my status decreasing from fucking 45 to 21 in 24 hours, after 1 month, when I was one month continuous.

Moral of the story: My consistency was too much for the fragile egos of many. Why do you think relatives start giving advice to you when you start doing something with commitment and results start to come out, they are jealous. Yes Bitches! Fucking bow down in front of the superior man! I repeat, fucking nobody is superior to me, if there is a hierarchy, I roar at the top. 

 Coming back to studies, Yeah, so, I continued after a break of half an hour interruption. 

Completed lecture 11, 12. I had to do till lecture 15. I was already exhausted. I took a break at 9. 

I ate my second meal, dry fruits, sat again for an hour and completed lecture 13. It was short. 

Now, prepared my 3rd meal, Sprouts salad and 2 apples. 

Again, started to study, completed Lecture 14 Till 1 PM. 

It was almost time for my lunch. Meal 4. 

I went to put rice in cooker, put in on Stove. Ate my lunch. Got back to study. 

But I felt sleepy. So, I fell sleep, took a nap, which got elongated for an hour. 

Woke up. Started studying, Lecture 15 took a lot of time, but I could not finish it till 3:55. 

Now, was the time to go to gym. 

I went to the gym. Started with Biceps. I train with this Kid, who is in his Drop year preparing for JEE. 

Nice kid, A little snobby idiot, which is ok, He is just a kid right now. One day life will fuck him up and then he will be humbler. 

We were doing it, many times, as he told me, I do not go till the failure. I was understanding what he meant. I thought he is saying till my failure, which I was going. But he meant, till the failure of the muscle. This led me to understand a very interesting concept which I will elaborate here. But, when it happened several times, and he got annoyed, I replied with what could have been the most brutal thing I could say to him, I should not have said that. I said, "You lack patience, Patience is very important, how will you qualify JEE when you lack patience". You know I noticed, I know exactly what and where will it hurt to people and what exactly to say. I am not very proud of it. He got defensive of course. I saw vulnerability, emotional weakness on his face. This led me to understand that, maybe I don't have muscles as shredded as him or my gym trainer, I can make them cry like a bitch by saying just one thing about their insecurities that I can sense just in few meetings with someone. I am not toxic. I am more, I am Poisonous. 

Now, what he said in his defense taught me an interesting thing, something he might be immature to realize. He said, "Patience rakhiyega toh Body nahi banega!". 

Now, I am not saying what he said is absolutely correct. On the contrary, it is utter bullshit. 

But, combine it with his earlier sentence, "Aap Failure tak train nahi karte hain!". And "Patience rakhiyega toh Body nahi banega!"

Saw something? Understood? Let me. 

So, Patience has no value until you reach your maximum potential. Lying down patiently on bed? Of course this will not fetch results. You have to get to it. Fight for it. Get in the flow. And then Patience is the tool for you. What I understood from him, which he could not, is that Patience is the tool for the strong, not for the weak. So, I will implement these from tomorrow both in gym and in studies. Go to your full potential, till the failure of not your present Mindspace, but till the failure of your potential. 

Like, you do not have to train till failure of yourself but a greater failure of your muscles. Your muscle should stop working and then you should stop. Similarly, when your mind stops functioning, then is not the time to stop, but when your brain stops responding. Your brain muscles, sort of give up. Then is your breaking point. 

I learnt a lot from this kid. You know, what we can learn from younger people? A Zeal for the best and efforts. Of course, I could judge it and learn it from him. But he, unfortunately, is not that smart to learn patience from me. 

I am ok with whatever I said that kid. I should not have, but this is the time, Insecurities should start coming in a healthy adult. Abhi se aayegi toh 24-25 saal tak overcome karke Superman ban jayega, 

Khair, wapas aate hain, Ghar aaye, I came back. I completed lecture 15 and stopped for today. I was exhausted. Also, 2 eggs I ate and had oats when I came back. Finally, I had dinner, watched some gigs and went to sleep. 

From tomorrow, I will try to implement this, "Effort till failure" philosophy. Adios!