WHY I CONSIDER MYSELF A DHARMIC AMBIVALENT?

The debate of ontology and existence is not new. Neither is the debate of belief and faith. Nor this has grown old whether there is a God or not. And the analogous debate in the 20th century about meaning of existence. All these debates and discussions revolve around a central theme, "Is there a God at all?" This question encompasses all the earlier and later questions regarding this. God, regardless of its form, human or otherwise, if exists, confers meaning. 

If we consider blind faith of the medieval dark ages of Europe as madness of civilization, what will you call a reverse fanaticism about non-existence of God through reason in the age of western modernity. The debate really now, in current age, is not really whether the nature of existence has a creator or not. The debate today, if any, is whether such a debate can be constructed, that is, such an ontology around metaphysics, is it even possible? Since Kant's transcendentalism, the reasoning regarding God has become impossible. You can no longer ask questions like, "Is there a God?" The question appropriate in this direction would be, "Is there a God knowable through reason?" To which Kant says, NO. 

My contestation is not with either rationalists or empiricists. My contestation is the following. I do not want to create a binary between yes or no, or Faith or belief as the modern rational atheists like Dawkins would like to do. My binary is between conformity and ambivalence. 

In other words, I am not at all asking if God exists, or is reason enough or do we need God? My concern here is, can we live without the need of a closure regarding this question? Modern Atheism tries to give closure to man through the answer, "There is no God!" Religious people would like to believe there is and hence get a closure to this question. My concern is, since the question itself encompasses all of us and beyond, numerous galaxies and an ever-expanding universe, do you not think this is going to be an ever-encompassing question with no possible conformity or closure available. In this regard, I would like to be Ambivalent. Does it really matter to stick to an opinion at all? Yes, there is God, no, there is not! Let me tell you how it helps man to be in either of the two sides. Man is a weird creature. Over centuries, He accumulated a brain power and processing ability that no other species had in the whole history of life on earth. But This ability leads to a very contradictory position to man. Man cannot believe that now he is so intelligent that he can ask questions so great that he himself cannot either comprehend or solve. Man's dilemma is the same as the Dilemma of God. What to do with my own creation? My own question? Is there a God? God is asking simultaneously, "Why is there a man at the first place?", Why did he create? no answers available either to him or to the man. The Pre-Socratic Philosopher Protagoras famously said, "I am the secret of man, And Man is my secret!".

Now, another dimension to this question. This time, I like to create a binary of "is" and "should be". I think most people today know there is no meaning to life. Most people understand there is no God. There are no more religious people left on this planet. Now, you might ask, then who are these people ringing bells in Temples, who are these people offering Namaz on Jaa-Namaz at the Mosque? Who are people who lit candles in church? I claim, these are wanna be religious people. I will expand on this. 

There can be three kinds of religious people to my experience. One, who beliefs there is a God. He has a faith. He does not care about evidence. He has nothing to do with reason. Second, one who has seen God. Unfortunately, I know some people who claim to have seem God. Mysterious enough, huh? Yes, That's India for you. And Last, the majority of the people today on Earth. People who are well read. They have a logical intuition that no such a thing like a God can exist. It is illogical. But they want God to exist. They want a meaning of life. They want that there should be a God, but unfortunately, they know that there is not. 

"Ye Koi Achi Khabar Nhi ki Khuda Nhi!"

~ Jaun Elia  

Or, Jaun Elia, the famous Urdu poet, encaptures this as This is no good news, that there is no God.  Since, most people in the debate are on the "should be" side, naturally, you see a different kind of religiosity today on Earth. Cutting across all religions, you see wanna be Hindus, Wanna be Christians, Wanna be Muslims. 

Where am I on this debate? I am no exception to this debate. I am also, a "should be" person. A person who wishes that there should be a noble and kind God, a creator. Unfortunately, I know, there is zero to no possibility of that. 

However, there is something I have learnt with my upbringing in a highly Dharmic Hindu Family. There is a long and wide and all-encompassing harmony in this universe. Sometimes this harmony manifests itself in ways in which humans face destruction at mass level or even individually, I do know, that nature in its nature itself, is value neutral and hence a certain kind of kindness it has. And Who is kinder than the person who is value neutral? 

That is Dharma. To be able to comprehend the fact that although sometimes it goes contrary to your interests, there is a harmony in this universe. A universal law all beings and non-beings follow, the law called Dharma. That is why I consider myself a Dharmic. Not a Hindu, not a Muslim or any other religious identity. I believe in universal harmony. I have love for this existence, however nasty, cruel or sometimes malevolent it seems. I express my love through Bhajans, through Qawwali, through meditation, through Sanskrit Hymns, through verses of the Bible. I think, all religions, at least their founders, were like me. They loved existence in its entirety. I juxtapose myself to all Nihilists, all existentialists, who claim no meaning. I claim meaning. I mean meaning. 

I remain an Atheist. or rather, an ambivalent attitude towards it. Somewhat like Buddha. Buddha said, behave as if there is no God, but even if there is, your behavior should not be different. This indifference to God, is actually his appreciation. His creations should not be biased towards him. We should treat the creations and the creator alike. And who knows, who is the creator and who is the creator. As Protagoras said, "Man is my secret and I am man's". 

How my ambivalence is different from Agnosticism. My ambivalence is not "I don't know!" It is, "I don't know, I don't want to know since I already love this existence, so, it doesn't matter!" 

At last, I depart quoting Iqbal, the famous poet of this sub-continent last century, 

"Accha hai Dil ke saath rahe paasbaan-e-Aql, 

Lekin Kabhi Kabhi isey Tanha bhi Chhor de!" 

Which means, "Yes, it is indeed important to have reason with emotions, but sometimes let not reason intervene in emotions". 

Let not your love for this whole existence get interrupted by reason.