MEN WRITTEN BY WOMEN

 I am a tree that has traded height for leaves, 
Teach me to bear leaves once again, oh bird!
I am a mountain, whose snow ate all texture, 
Teach me, O River, to flow like you again!
I am an ocean, whose depth traded its waves,  

Teach me, O moon, to dance with you again! 

The phenomenon of "Men written by women", is what has relieved me in recent days. What is it? And what is it for me? And why is it so special in my eyes? 

In the wake of a new and egalitarian consciousness, when women began to assert their choices, claim on rights and so on, so they fashioned a new kind of choices, through cinema and literature. This was the "Men written by women". Here, women, wrote men, who were perfect combinations of tenderness and traditional masculinity. Men, who were caring enough to understand complex emotions and yet strong enough to not break down to their emotional crises. Men, who were midway between Traditionally masculine alpha and sigma, and the coy boy looking soft guys. In Novels of Jane Austen, you find a character of Mr. Darcy, is an example of men written by women. Another example would be Mr. Newt Scamander from the "Fantastic beasts and where to find them", series. 

These fictional men project what women had for a long time in their desires for an ideal partner, but they could not assert his because of the patriarchal repression of their sexualities and their fathers, brothers and husbands and even lovers trying to control their sexualities and choices of their lives. 

What does it mean to me? Personally, it makes me feel relieved. First of all, the women find it emancipating that they actually know what they want in a partner. Second, the difference between the two different gazes, namely, the masculine gaze and the feminine gaze is that Women written by men, the exemplary of masculine gaze, reduces women to just sum of their body parts and a little bit of behavioral quirks. Like: A soft woman, whose whole personality is how submissive and gullible she is, something of a Damsel in distress. Another example of this is the binary between a "Good woman" and a "Wamp" usually a part of 70s or 80s Bollywood cinema. The viewing of an assertive woman as a bad woman, and a woman who does not have a single dimensional personality to cater to men's needs as being a Wamp is how men projected their desires. It is not really the faults of men, in my opinion. Hegemony and unprecedented authority to decide for everyone what is right makes you do something which is not even good for you sometimes. 

Men, written by women, on the other hand, frees women and men simultaneously. Men, from their traditional gender role, it does not however totally discard it, but it definitely gives them some space to breath. Moreover, the men written by women, project a healthy masculinity, a masculinity which is not insecure for power and authority and cries in hue for more and more. A masculinity which is the synthesis of a traditional toxic masculine man and a highly effeminate man, someone, who is secure in his vulnerabilities. Someone, who works on his problems and does not become defensive when someone calls him out for his weaknesses. He embraces reality as a friend. He is vulnerable in public without being ashamed. He is strong enough to rise from that vulnerability. 

A concern occurs in minds of few that is this idealization not hegemonic again? that now, women want to project their "Ideal version" of a man, on society and men need to just agree. Here, we need to distinguish between the simple looking terms of "Demand" vs "Control". 

Women demand some traits in men. That is not to say they want to control. Men controlled women for ages. When a woman demands a man to be of a certain height, for example, it is a dating preference. She may also negotiate about it in her mind if she met a really nice short guy. But, Men, demand something like: Oh! Women I should date or marry should be a virgin. Now, this is not a dating preference. This, by virtue of its permanence quality, this is a kind of retrospective control measure that not only you want to control her sexuality when you date her, but you also want to control her sexuality when you did not even know her, that is, retrospectively. This is textbook "Control". 

I am not saying that women do not try to control men. On Individual level, Dating and courtships and marriage are no more than political decision making. If we take the quote, "Personal is Political" literally, you will see elements of Politics in the bedroom. Negotiations, demands, Protests, trying to control the other, power struggle are all part of this new era dating. But on a collective level, "Men written by women", in my opinion, is not at all, an attempt to control, in fact, it is an attempt to freedom for both men and women. Men, to eventually come out of their shells of masculinity standards that they continuously try to fit in and try at least, to put on the table, little vulnerabilities. How to do that? Start listening to someone who knows how to be vulnerable in public, probably your partner. Listen and learn, how to be vulnerable. 

This is an era where men should embrace emotional learning from the women around them. Listen, learn, do not judge, try to understand complex emotions since you have to understand your own emotions later, Cry, cry often, cry alone, cry in public but also learn how women hold themselves and conduct well in public and do not depend upon anyone to collect them after being vulnerable in public. 

I am not saying, woman do not make mistakes, and all learning has to happen from women to men. But a great deal of emotional intelligence is due in men. How to console a friend in need, how to hug a friend, how to start conversations with your father in such a way that he also loosens up. All these and a bunch more. 

 Whether the demands can be cent percent fulfilled is something nobody can commit. But we hope to free ourselves from our problems. Be a human being first. A human being has to be strong and tender at the same time, isn't it? So, the emotional learning I am talking about has a lot to do with unlearning patriarchal conditioning. I really hope, it helps someone reading this. Emancipation lies within, what we desire, we become. I desire to be a "Man written by women". Do you?