INDIA AND MY MIND

It seems to me that I have always belonged to two different countries all my time till now. Some time I have spent Inside my head. From that vantage point, India seems like a foreign country to me. Do you think I am speaking parseltoungue? Wait, I will make you realize. This is the same country which not less than 200 years ago, used to burn woman on her husband's death. This, according to my understanding, a masculine collective consciousness deciding women's sexuality. Does it seem like a country you live in? Do you see this in your surroundings today? No, you don't. But, you see, just like you do not see dinosaurs today, but some derived species in today's geography, Similarly, The Sati practice is found in its derived forms. For instance, what will you say to rapes that happen today and the violence afterwards to ensure, the rape does not resemble like a reptile which has some Jurassic features. The sexual anxiety of losing domination and not been able to control a women's sexual choice or in general life choices reflect in the deeds of the most common of men in India. 

Similarly, From the vantage point of India, I find my mind an estranged territory. I suffered from a heartbreak in recent times. An unrequited love, desires not been reciprocated is my issue. Is the desire to be with someone a borderline attempt to control a woman's sexuality. The anxiety of a heart break, is it the same as the sexual anxiety of a masculine consciousness which wishes to rape a woman because he finds this the best way to dominate a woman? This is a question which I struggle with for past few days in my life. Am I the one who is projecting an authoritative desire here. 

My mind in these circumstances seems to be a foreign land where I remain but a refugee. This, in my opinion, should be seen, from the vantage point of human rights. The right to desire and right to consent are two aspects that are of concern here. I have full right to have desire of a woman in my life. But whether this desire has to have any ground existence remains purely a matter of choice of the woman. The consent is a category which is defining the boundaries of the personal here. 

We suffer from a fundamental predicament here. The boundaries between "personal" and "Political" has become extremely porous and to some even non-existent today. Where do we stand on rights of personal desires and love. Love originates from a personal space of the mind. Whatever be the psycho-socio-political influence, but if we take the individual as the breeding ground for love, then it becomes a matter of political decision making when it concerns with two or more people. This space, between a man and a woman, or two genders, heterosexual, homosexual or otherwise, remains purely an economy of free market. The demand drives the desires and the supply, the availability of intimacy drives the satisfaction of the desires. Can we raise a concern of equal rights to be loved someday in this economy or space? Is it even a valid question to demand equality of this bizarre aspect? Is the matter between two people be political in the absolute democratic sense? Is consent the only criteria for judging the democratic nature of this polity? Over the years, the individual rights of consent have been violated in these areas. Since times or arrange marriage or otherwise. Now, at least on paper, consent has found itself victorious as a parameter for a relationship. But, the question rises, in this democratic process, is it inevitable that one section (one person) has to always suffer the tyranny of the other section (the other person)? I have refrained from using the phrase tyranny of majority since here quantitatively there are two people in a political space. The question remains, unrequited love and its related mental trauma, will it find any space in this political space? I suffer from this. I hope I get out of this. And I start feeling home in my own mind again. 

Vibhat